hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
