Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
