I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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