yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
