you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
