My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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