Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
