I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
