i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
