So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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