ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
