walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
