i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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