Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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