Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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