So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
