Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
