I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
