I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
