mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
