Got a toothbrush?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
