The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
