I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
