its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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