RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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