apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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