remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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