I must be too annoying 4 u.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
