my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
