I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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