All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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