i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
