Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i love accidental penises.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
