My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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