we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
