I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
