Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
