1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
