I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
