Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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