Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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