She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
