So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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