My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
