at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
