I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know her cup size but not her name....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
