my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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