Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
