Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
