Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
